your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
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i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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