eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is wine microwaveable?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
