I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
