My friends, they love my intelligence
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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