I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?