How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
