happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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