Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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