I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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