plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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