we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
