her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
