im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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