He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
