thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
