he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
