it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
