So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
