then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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