my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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