God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
