hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
