we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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