the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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