I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
