So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
