Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
