Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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