He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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