Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
