eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
