Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
