Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
