Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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