I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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