Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize