it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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