I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
