how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
