im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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