two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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