i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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