Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
