Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
