I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like a drive thru vagina
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
