um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
