margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As shirtless as possible
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
