Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
