I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
