I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
