This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
