Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
