Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
