Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
