Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
