the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
