I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
