I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
