just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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