I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize